


hurt you and drove you away (pride kept me silent when I needed to say)

by scully_romanova_of_asshai



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Because I can, Excessive Use of Parentheses, F/F, POV Lena Luthor, Post-Season/Series 04, also italics, and also cannot stop myself, but I need to stop with those because they're v annoying to put in, but I wanted to let them be angry, but like not that much because I have no capacity for that, lena luthor is not evil because she is the most wonderful being, post-identity reveal, so anyway, so it's v short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-08 00:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20984690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scully_romanova_of_asshai/pseuds/scully_romanova_of_asshai
Summary: lena is mad. kara is mad. they talk.





	hurt you and drove you away (pride kept me silent when I needed to say)

**Author's Note:**

> so I wanted to finish this (and a couple other things) before the season started, but that obviously didn't happen, so you get this now! (and at least a couple other things prob soon, since I am feeling inspired/guilty)

“Not acceptable,” Kara Danvers snaps as she lands on Lena’s balcony in a button-up and slacks and walks through the door, and Lena snaps the pencil in her hand.

She drops the pieces to her desk, listens to the sound they make with closed eyes as she breathes in deeply. “Can I help you, _Supergirl_?” she asks, letting her voice carry the connotation a raised eyebrow normally would; she’s not going to turn around.

Turns out, that’s not going to work for Kara – she marches around to the front of Lena’s desk and slams her hands down on top of it; softly, for her, sure, but still clearly a bit harder than she’d planned – Lena definitely hears something crack.

“As a matter of fact, you can,” she growls _(growls)_, “by explaining what the _fuck_ you think you’re doing.”

And that’s new. The closest Lena has heard Kara come to cursing before was her saying _rao (and honestly, how did she not realize who she was earlier?)_ and she hates herself for the spark of heat that shoots through her.

“What am _I_ doing? What the fuck are _you_ doing, Kara?” _(and if her voice cracks a little when she says Kara, nobody else will ever know)_. “Flying in here like _that_,” she waves a hand to encompass her whole state of being, “I thought you were supposed to be keeping your identity a secret. Or was that just from me?”

And somehow this makes Kara even more angry. She turns around to gather herself, fists clenching at her sides, and Lena allows herself a moment to shrink back into her chair. She’d never thought she’d ever be scared of Kara, or even of Supergirl, really _(though that had been less comfortable for her. she thought she should’ve been scared of her, sometimes)_, but if she’s being honest, she’s a little out of her depth right now, and that’s a place she hates being.

After that last game night where she’d made the effort to pretend everything was fine, and her world _hadn’t_ just been turned upside down, Lena had immediately gone back to her office, downed half a bottle of scotch, and removed Kara Danvers from every aspect of her life. She’d sold Catco to the first buyer she found, crushed her phone to pieces _(she doesn’t always have the greatest ideas when she’s sad and drunk, which is a bit of a problem since they usually go together)_, and driven herself to the airport in order to fly herself literally anywhere else _(and if that anywhere else meant crashing somewhere, so be it, it would probably be a sign)_.

That anywhere else had ended up being Ireland, and she’d stayed there for a month before convincing herself to come back to National City and get back to work. It wasn’t a stretch for people to assume that she’d gone away after all the stress involving her brother’s escape, short reign, and subsequent death, and her company thus dealt fairly well with her absence, though an astute few had noticed the lack of a certain blonde reporter around her following her return, and wisely chosen not to comment on it.

So that brings her to now. She’s been back in National City for two months now, and has seen neither hide nor hair of Kara _(or Supergirl, if an ‘or’ can really be used there)_ since her return. She’s not sure who has been avoiding the other more, though this confrontation gives her the suspicion that perhaps it has been her. 

And oh, it looks like Kara has deemed herself ready to speak again – she’s turning back around, “Of course it wasn’t just about you! You can’t play the Luthor card every time, Lena!”

And Lena – Lena sees fucking red, at that. She finds herself standing and leaning forward with her own palms straining against the desk beneath them before she even realizes she’s moved. “Get. Out.” She can hear how low her voice is, and she just wants to jump across the desk and claw at Kara even though she _knows_ it wouldn’t do anything, both in terms of physical damage and in terms of making her feel better, but she can’t help it. Instead, she presses her nails into her palms, feels some clarity cut through her rage with the sharp bite of them, allows herself to see the slight wariness and what almost looks like regret in Kara’s eyes, even as the blonde’s body is still suffused with anger, all hard lines and angles.

“I’m sorry, Lena, I can’t do that,” she says, through gritted teeth.

“Oh, you can’t?” Lena asks, fixing her with the look she gives her most idiotic business partners _(the leftovers that she hasn’t yet considered worthy of the effort it would take to get rid of them)_, that patronizing almost-smile that makes everyone else watching cringe in pity for its recipient. “Well, this is _my_ building, and _I_ say you can.”

When Kara simply tenses her jaw and looks to be on the verge of starting a long tirade that Lena really doesn’t want to hear, she simply holds up a hand and takes in a deep breath, blowing it out slowly, deciding to take another tack. “Kara,” she says, voice more calm now, “you lied to me. For _years_. Every day you looked me in the face, and you lied to me. You were my _best friend_.” She hears Kara suck in a breath at the past tense but pretends not to notice. “You _knew_ what this would do to me, and you did it anyway. What kind of friend does that, Kara? I think it’s understandable that I don’t want to be around you anymore.” _(and her traitorous mind brings up the thought that she does still want to be around Kara, that she’ll probably always want to be around Kara, but she pushes it away. there are some things that can’t be forgiven.)_

“Lena,” Kara says, and her voice is still angry, but it’s also so sad. “I swear I wanted to tell you, I just…I couldn’t. I _couldn’t_ lose you.”

Lena feels her mouth tug up on one side into a sad smirk. “Well, look how well that turned out for you.”

“Exactly!” Kara shouts, and then, realizing her volume, repeats it a bit more quietly. “Exactly. You found out, and then I lost you.”

And Lena…well, Lena doesn’t really have a readymade response to that. She blinks. Opens her mouth and then closes it again. Sits back down and drops her head into her hands, rubbing circles over her temples for a moment until she can bring herself to speak.

“Kara,” she says, and she can feel the name slip from between her lips like a physical thing. “Kara,” she says again, just for the repeated sensation of it, looking up to meet Kara’s eyes, attempting to ignore the way the woman pulls her hands behind her back as she realizes they’re trembling. “I can’t just forgive you, Kara.”

“I know,” Kara says, and her voice is weak, weak in a way that Lena has never heard her voice before, hers or Supergirl’s, and Lena _knows_ that she knows. “I’m not asking you to.” She pauses, for a moment, reaching up to fiddle with her glasses, and Lena suddenly finds herself holding back a sob, because it’s just _so normal_, and she’s seen Kara do that _so many times_, and she just _can’t_ deal with that right now.

But then Kara is speaking again, Kara is saying, “I’m not asking you to _just_ forgive me, Lena. I’m asking you if you think you ever can.”

And she looks so nervous, almost heart-broken, that Lena almost wants to just draw this out, just because she _can_, just to hurt Kara even a fraction of the amount Kara has hurt her _(though something tells her she already has)_, but she pushes that away.

“I think there’s no way I could ever not,” she says, and Kara grins brightly for a moment before she bites her lip, a tear running down her face until she brushes it roughly away.

“Okay,” she says softly, “I can work with that,” and Lena can feel her lips tugging up slightly in response. “Can I- could I hug you?” Kara asks, hesitantly.

Lena quirks an eyebrow. “I think a handshake will suffice.”

“Oh! Okay,” Kara mumbles, almost stumbling in her attempt to reach across the desk for Lena’s hand. 

Lena rolls her eyes so hard it reminds her of past warnings that they’d get stuck that way _(she’d always ignored them)_, and walks around toward a confused Kara. “You can hug me, Kara,” and then she’s wrapped up in strong arms that nearly lift her out of her heels with their enthusiasm. “God, I missed you,” she whispers, almost accidentally.

Kara sets her down, smiling so brightly Lena feels like she can see how she gets her powers from the sun. “I missed you too.”

Their gazes are locked for what feels like it could be hours, though Lena knows it can only have been a few seconds, when Kara’s head suddenly swivels to the side, tilted as though she’s listening to something. “I’ve gotta go,” she says, grimacing apologetically and jerking her head in the direction of the outside.

Lena nods, smiling softly and stepping forward to rest her hands on Kara’s arms, rubbing up and down a couple times. “We’re going to be okay,” she says, and Kara smiles, eyes crinkling, and Lena can’t help but just lean slightly upward to place a soft kiss on Kara’s cheek _(perhaps a little too close to her mouth to be appropriate, but who is there to judge her for that besides herself?)_.

Kara seemingly forgets she has somewhere to be for a moment and Lena takes the time to enjoy the soft blush adorning her cheeks before she’s stumbling out of her reach and toward the balcony. She turns before she takes off and flashes Lena two thumbs up _(and god, she’s in love with a dork. In love!)_ before leaping up and calling a “Goodnight!” over her shoulder.

“Goodnight,” Lena responds, walking out onto the balcony and smiling, because maybe she can still hear her, “Supergirl.”


End file.
